Dear broken hearted girl,
I know you are hurting. This is gunna make you so strong. I promise. It's gunna give you such a strength to know you can survive. It's gunna teach you your worth.
You're feeling ugly, inside and out... right?
That's how I felt. Thats how I was treated. You're free from that now. Being tied into that relationship may have made you feel like a mess... but coming OUT of one makes you feel shit!
You're not worthy
No one will want you
You're so ugly
You've got kids
That's what you were told.Thats what I was told.
One day, hopefully today. You're gunna see your worth. now you're not tied to all that crap. all them lies. You are gunna see things differently, hear things differently. The truth. Not HIS truth.
He doesn't have time to dwell. They move on. It's occupying them. They look fine right? They're not. Don't take them on face value. New women are just there to take his mind off the situation. I feel sorry for them personally. 9 times out of 10 they won't be the next wife. The first one, is not usually THE ONE. They're just feeding their ego's to heal their wounds.
This is not death. I know it hurts but this is not gunna kill you. This is rebirth.
I know you feel crushed. Broken. trapped. Our goal right now, is to make you better. Not bitter. Things are happening and you're mad. I get it. If there's kid involved, focus on them. Everything is about what is best for them!
Focus on something thats gunna make you a better person.
Develop a support system. Surrounding yourself with supportive and loving people - friends and family (the occasional facebook group admin) can really take the stress away, even just a little.
You might even lose friends in this process. Sometimes they just dont know what to do, to say, or how to react. Sometimes it hurts them because its not what they wanted for you! So they back off. Maybe even family... even if you and the ex we're together for 10 - 20 years. even if you called his parents mum and pops. Don't expect them to stick around. Chances are you can't call them for support anymore. It's every possibility they will choose a side. Be prepared for that!
The worst thing is when they move on. Straight. Away! eurgh. hate that. Remember that when they are raised they're taught to be strong. When times are tough theyr'e told to man up! To deal with their feelings without being vulnerable. They shut down, shut themselves away and sort it out before coming out again. They are taught to perform. They wanna be the best man they can be. They seek approval, to be successful. Someone to stroke their ego. Validate their man status. They're hurting. But they're gunna suck it up and move on anyway! Men work so differently to us. Men are hunters and gatherers. They're wired to go out and seek answers. To survive... fix their problems. Men don't sit around and mope.
And then theres us. At home, tear stained, eating icecream straight from the tub with our best friend on whatsapp telling us it'll all be ok. How can we get a grip and move on for our own sanity.
This is my advice...
- Distance yourself from him! You don't need him on your facebook. Regardless of how mature you think you are. The blonde admin assistant from accounts in his work christmas party photos, will turn you into a raging bull.
-Don't reach for the bottle. Let a friend pass it to you ;) Sad, alone and drunk is no fun! You will end up crying into your youtube playlist. At least be sad with people you love. They're not gunna judge you for wanting to drink vodka orange out of coffee mugs wearing your Moomins PJs.
-Don't drunk text. Ever. Ask your friend to take your phone off you. And throw it out the window. And run over it with her car.
-Cry. Whenever you want. Get it out. Let it go... let it go!
-Don't facebook it. Who is gunna read it anyway? That girl you went to school with 10 years ago..? Your mum?
-Bath. Just because. A nice deep bath is kind of like a 50/50 half wallowing/half pampering so it's just what you need in this scenario! Add bubbles, wine and a book. Enjoy
-Stop blaming yourself.
Things will get easier. I promise